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*This is a blog post. It is best-viewed here in it’s proper environment.
You have no idea why I am celebrating feeling a nice natural high from marijuana tonight, but I’m going to tell you.
You know, since no one reads this anyway.
and it was only significant because for the first time D brought home some retail weed from the local smoke shop. Synthetic. Legal. Well lemme see this stuff then…..funny foil-sealed packaging in the bedroom and I loaded my small glass bowl. It was nothing to write home about.
I don’t remember the moment I went back to it I can just admit it’s been 2 years now. I blame the tinybarelythere
tallisraeliteShalomtoyouonceamillionairenowrunningasmokeshop a kooky husband&wife team thatyou couldnothelp picturing in bed together. They blew my mind with their dirtcheapgetlotsfoyodolla concoctions mixing it up in a boxtop right in front of us in line.
I remember when they ran out of bags. That happy-assed bitch was slinging it into open palms, speaking joyful gibberish and collecting with the other hand.
And it was a good clean high. Set your brain up for some serious productivity.
It was not until later, after they were busted, and (from what I heard - deported) that I learned she was a crackhead. My sister-in-law, a social worker, tells me crack has a smell. I’m still looking.
So I’m going to try to describe the Amy I was chasing because that is what I always look for in a good drug blog: What did it feel like? I want to know why it was sooo good nothing else mattered. Something inside of me just loves hearing about that. I want to understand.
I was going through the addiction and analyzing it at the same time.
small pipe. just a few pinches. and this hits fast, which is what i like. i usually warn - take one hit. it’s that good. lasts about 20 minutes if ur lucky before your brain is craving more. for me i think the correct term is [yoo-fawr-ee-uh] and everything just turns on inmybrainthatcontrolsmywholebody. i could be sitting there humdrum & yes mostly bored-we will talk about that later-and you feel it hit you. that switch in your brain that it likes. you feel different in a better way because suddenly you are thinkingofwonderfulideas and havingentireconversationswithyourselfinyourhead and worrying that you will not be able to complete all of the things that your mind just thought of to do. suddenly everything is important
It’s like that. And it gets better.
you find yourself aroused. interesting.
anditmakesensetome because foreplay has always taken place in my head ive had some lazy untalented selfish lovers. so i have this bag of tricks. ty amazon. i have gotten to the point that i am hands-free and all of the situations you can put yourself into with that option. i delay myself, so i dont know ifthis has anything to do with the strength, but yeah.
Was strong. Rob-yer-Momma-strong. I felt it. Surprised myself sometimes at the levels I would achieve acquiring my next high. I was smart and well read after all. I knew better. Worse still, anticipated it. I’ve always loved drugs and how they turn on my brain. I would like to blame genetics, but I tend to commend it. I like it. Always have.
whichiswhy i have always been ohsocareful and never touching the goodstuff like mushrooms, heroin, lsd, the psychedelics. ive loved hearing how lsd helps dying patients no longer fear death. they all consistently understand something universal and calming that makes me curious. we hold so many mysteries in our minds and the the fda is regulating them.
Imagine my surprise when I recognized my addiction very early on.
Well THIS was not supposed to happen.
I tested myself. Made rules. Broke them wantoknowwhataddictionislike without a second thought. I would be out of the stuff andthenextthingiknew I was sitting atop my bed loading a bowl realizing my brain shut off my rule. It REALLY never entered my mind to NOT go get it when my brain was begging for it.
I self-analyzed myself and was stunned by the power of addiction as
It forgot my rule. Just long enough to be satisfied. Interesting.
the best stuff i ever had was mid-way through this mess if you want to put it on a timeline. Pink Lotus. 2grambags15usd. nice foil branding greenbackgroundopenedpinklotus and they used a fluffier medium for transport. still not sure what that shit was but i could still spot it today if i saw it. i caught the shop day after the bust andhadtouseabackdoor they were sellingoff the lotus batch and I could see the bigjob from here. Worst day of my life to have only 15usd on me. Still smh.
With their stuff: Withdrawl included vomiting. Interesting.
Shared it with a seasonedabuserofallthings and she agreed.
There is something wicked in there.
I was not warned about this.
DONTCHA WANNA HEAR MY EXCUSE?
Idle hands are the devils breadbox.
I was 2 years unemployed and boredoutofmymind. Boredom is a mutherfucker. Especially to someone like me, you know, with potential. Out in the internets I learned that the homeless are alcoholics because they are bored and drinking helps pass the time. It’s not the otherway around-that they are homeless because they are alcoholics.
I now tend to give more to the panhandlers because I get it.
HOW DID I KICK IT?
(TL;DR lack of quality)
After the Peace&Love establishment had it’s run intwolocations then busted down I went to the other closertohome that I had no need for since I tend to gowithwhatiknow. Turns out MaryJanesEuphorium was slinging a house blend that kept me happy for a slightly higher price. They lasted a while until someone in the hood tried to make the shit and some young kids got a hold of the bad batch. Were hospitalized. Scary stuff to the timid not chasing a high.
The only openforbusiness smoke shop in town at the time of the incident was MaryJanes and my beloved city brought spice warnings to the national news.
i secretly appreciated the headline banner
because now EVERYONE in this small town was talking about my favorite subject.
we have a local call-in show on the am dial that became my predictor for when to buy up because the next bust was coming sincehehadthepolicechiefononceaweekwithanadventcalendar and he loved to talk on air to the citizens.
I had about a month with no access until the next well-equipped smoke shop came along and ohwhatbraverythattook and yes the pull was still there. Depression set in. My birthday happened. I was suicidal. A sober mind forced me to face my incompetence. Saw I had no future.
Oh yeah. It got ugly and I knew I just needed my happy medicine.
andwhatiswrongwiththat and howcanigetthisinapillform and i thought about getting some help just to choose from what was available because if this dumbstupidthing changed my life so much for the better i am sure the us government has something better in store for me andthatisthething. thatgotme. icouldpassadrugtest. and I did.
So the jauntthroughthewoods Happy Shack shop opened and it was dangerously close. The addiction continued. I was happy again.
I finally landed a job I could tolerate and I was reminded that having a drugsession after a hard day’s work felt much better than doing it all damn day long. It’s more rewarding. Like a cigarette break feels. My homies. My work shifts wbecame a break from the drug. Helped curb my usage which is what I was after. I knew shit was gettingoutofcontrol. By this time I had stolen and lied and cheated for my next dose and I knew better butiwasgoodatit and that was scary to admit.
but I was smart enough to see what i was doing and what i was up to and yes the pounds came off because spice does not mix well with alcohol. they cancel each other out somehow and suddenly i was no longer drinking at night andijustknewthatwouldhappen during all this i realized how damn bad alcohol is for your body itjustwrecks it. never again i tell myself. not that i can get drunk anymore so that makes it easy.
When I got the heads up that the Happy Shack was soon to get a shut-down I gave the owner a heads up and told him about the local call-in show. Called it requiredlocalbusinessownerlistening.
After that I tried online.
Risky and not the same quality. Now I was wasting money.
Plus with the drug out of my system was starting to get my senses about me. I felt that change, too. Saw it for what it was. I made myself look bad for quite some time.
callmeimpressed when happyshack silently reopened. this type of event was unheardof. they must have passed some test or came to a monetary agreement with the local pd. one.
Unfortch, they were slinging crap in fancy packages and I have not been back since. Not even to check, which is a GREAT sign that I am done with that mess. I would have checked by now. Even if I was broke.
You have no idea why I am celebrating feeling a nice natural high from marijuana tonight and I’m going to tell you.
You know, since no one reads this anyway.
When I had spice in my system, I could not get a marijuana high. Quality did not matter. My brain was a spice bitch and that was all she wanted.
She was accepting no substitutes.
interesting finding. i talked to a few other users i found lingering in the shops over the years and they all agreed to the same symptom. and then i heard this chemical compound they are usingandchangingtostaylegal was first developed by the us government to curb marijuana use. interesting still.
But tonight, I am naturally high.
mygirlbrain is taking what she can get and spinning out the truth of the matter in celebration.
She’s happy again. Stimulated. Differently, but stimulated nonetheless.
and it is so wonderful feeling that i have already decided.
im going to get him high.
WORDS I GOOGLED FOR SPELLING DURING THIS POST:
euphorium (i was right)
alcohol (i was right)
*dedicated to staceygraham - are you still out there?